Stages of grief & lust for life

by | Jul 17, 2022 | Dark night of the soul, Feminine power, Freedom, Grief, Relationships

Stages of grief & lust for life

Yesterday around noon it was three years ago my dad gave out his last breath. ⁣
That last week with my father was one of the best gifts he gave me. ⁣
It connected me fully with my presence. ⁣
Being so near to death reminded me how much I LOVED life. ⁣
At that time, three years back, the foundation under my marriage had completely been swept away We where busy figuring out what route to take next. ⁣
Sometimes I felt incredibly brave. ⁣
I knew what I wanted and I boldly took action by following my gut feeling and my intuition.
On other times… not so. ⁣
The deeply hidden insecurities from my inner child raised their heads and asked to be recognized. ⁣

That last week with my dad stopped all that. My husband and I where one again, and I also felt how powerful I was on my own.⁣

The clarity of where I was needed the most was like a healing balm for my wandering soul. ⁣
It was a very simple and grace filled task; be there for my dad in the last phases of his life. ⁣
While I grieved for my dad’s passing, his last resonance with me was one of pure delight of no longer having to carry the burden of his suffering body. ⁣
The freedom of his soul and the happiness I witnessed in him when he crossed over filled my heart with so much gratitude. ⁣
And I also received a message back for me, as a spectator, that I only can describe as being initiated with a holy ‘lust for life’. ⁣
A loving reminder how much this life of mine was worth, how worthy my soul was, and to just choose and create a life that I loved and would fulfil me.⁣

After the the funeral and the weeks that followed I turned back to that message.⁣

Inside of the grieving was a huge energy source. The letting go phase, the anger, the sadness of all things changing and nothing being permanent, it made me realize it also meant I was free to create completely new outcomes. ⁣
Not being bound by the rigidity of expectations! What freedom! What opportunity!⁣
I found a deeper connection with my body’s wisdom by opening up and increasing my life force. ⁣
Of course, I sang more, but also went deep into the well of wisdom from Shakti movements, Dakini initiation’s, happier sexuality, awakening sensuality, to way more tuning into my own divine feminine wisdom. ⁣
I consciously moved through layers of anger, frustration, pain, sadness, lust, funniness, playfulness and connected with a holy awareness of my soul. ⁣
It helped me to create space for the many parts of my being I had never invited before to be heard and seen. ⁣
Grieving gave me a bit of a “fuck it” mentality. Let’s just do this. The dying thing is real as it get’s. Let’s not waste any more time by living life to other peoples rules. ⁣
There have been more phases in my grieving than I can share. It also coincided with a dark night of the soul, a void, and slowly a realization that life will never be the same. ⁣
To be honest, I’m so happy now it will always be different.⁣
This beautiful adventure of life, who REALLY wants to know how life exactly will looks like in 20 years?⁣
Not me.⁣ 😊
When I sat on the rocks at the sea two days ago I felt into life. I was so freaking happy and deeply satisfied. ⁣
I no longer have 10 year plans. I do however know how to connect with my life force, my soul, and with spirit guides (including my dad). Somehow that last day with my dad I think I gave him a promise to be true to my soul and listen to what she truly desires. ⁣
The last phase for my grief is accepting the truth of my soul and move with the changes of life. ⁣
I’m here to fully live it and I don’t hold back. ⁣
That to me feels like how I can honor my dad’s legacy best. ❤️

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